fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
