but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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