meet me or not, i'm out of control
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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