I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
