so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
