It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
