I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Randomize
