No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
