I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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