Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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