Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
