Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
