the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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