Pappa wants mamma naked
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
