and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
