I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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