Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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