I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
