these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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