The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
