so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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