It's like God shit irony all over that family
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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