Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How naked do you want me to be?
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