I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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