he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
