yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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