Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
