I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
