You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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