he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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