You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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