I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
