Say something about gay babies.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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