I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
