I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
