he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
