i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
