im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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