you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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