I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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