How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
