I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
