I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
