i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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