I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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