you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize