You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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