Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
