ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
