Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
NoShamevember. You game?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
