dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize