True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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