Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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