just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
