That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
