Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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