Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
