I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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