i barfeds in our rink
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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