Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
