She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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