i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
